I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
