yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
