When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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