You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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