Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize