I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
