Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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