this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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