i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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