one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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