I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
