Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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