i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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