Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
