its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
