I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
