my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
