Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
