remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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