A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize