she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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