Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
