Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
