Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Randomize
