what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
