when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
