i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
