I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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