this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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