i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
