Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
