pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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