my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
