Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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