I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
