i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
