You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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