Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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