I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
