Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
