I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
