Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
