Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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