I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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