I skipped work to stalk him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
