Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
