for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize