I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
