sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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