I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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