im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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