What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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