So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
