im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish i was in the wii world.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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