Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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