I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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