Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
