He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize