idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
