I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
