They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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