I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
