please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
