Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
