Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
