i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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