everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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