My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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