He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize