hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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