even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
