i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize