Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
